Unmarried Motherhood at Age 16 // Isaiah 1:18

Unmarried Motherhood at Age 16 // 

Isaiah 1:18 //

From Salvation, to Arguing, to God’s Sovereign Grace 

It was a traumatic experience at 7 years old when my parents divorced. My mom

would remarry not long afterwards to my stepdad who was just discovering Jesus

and he started taking myself, my mom, and my younger brother, John, to church

which that was new to us.

 

At 11, I attended a Christian camp called The Wilds in North Carolina and it was

there that I knew (that I knew that I knew!) Jesus had saved my soul. I felt the

realness and the joy of the Lord enter my spirit that week at camp. I came home

excited, and I was baptized in our church.

 

Soon after being home, I remember recognizing the difference in my emotional

balance. I wondered where that happiness I had felt at camp went. But, praise

the Lord, even with little knowledge of the God of my salvation, He had placed an

assurance within me that my salvation truly happened. But oh, would I have a

long road to travel before I started to learn more about the One who saved me.

 

Even though we were going to church every time the doors opened, we didn’t

really bring church home. We didn’t have family devotions and the only regular

prayer was before supper. This sounds silly, but I believed the lie that the right

time to open the Bible was only at church, and even then, it was the King James

Version and I hardly understood the old English. While the KJV is great, I would be

24 years old before I would know that there were other versions of the Bible, and

God, in His great Grace, was going to use the New Revised Standard Version to

bring me healing.

 

Looking back now I realize that my mom and stepdad had their own baggage and

struggles that followed them into their marriage with a blended family, and

without good discipleship at the time, I’m sure that was hard, as they were brand

 

new to knowing what it meant to fully surrender themselves over to the lordship

of Jesus. I’m just thankful that they did find Jesus and tried their best in these

years because we know that the Lord does bring all things to the good for those

who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

 

I wasn’t always miserable, but I always felt a brokenness and I made it known to

my stepdad that he could not replace my dad whom I loved and missed. I often

felt anger towards my mom because I blamed her for much and I argued a lot

with her. There were moments of laughter, but a lot of the time, if I wasn’t

arguing with my mom, I had a sadness in the brokenness I felt.

 

Before moving on I’ll add that I love my mom and stepdad. To God’s glory, now I

have a great relationship with my mom, she’s here today as my guest for which I am so

thankful, and it’s not odd if my stepdad shows up at my house to tell me he’s had

me on his heart and prays with me. God used my stepdad, even when I didn’t like

him, as an integral part in the working out of my salvation.

 

At 13 years old, I went to live with my dad who lived 3 hours away from my mom

and stepdad. However, there, in my new home I would lack any kind of Christian

influence that I once had.

 

I wasn’t a rebellious teenager in the eyes of the world. I didn’t get into drinking or

drugs, no foul mouth, not a troublemaker, and the 2 boyfriends I did have never

seemed to upset my dad. However, later when my faith matured, I realized that

many of the happenings to me and things of my own pursuit were not pleasing to

God. In fact, though I wouldn’t know it at the time, there were choices I did make

that may not be rebellious to the world, but they were to my God. Yet, even then,

in my ignorance and the lies I believed, my Savior continued to call me to go

deeper with Him.

 

There’s so much to my story to tell, so many bad circumstances I found myself in.

There was much sorrow. And I could still be found arguing if I felt I was in the right

and the other person was in the wrong. But, for the sake of time I’ll jump to when

I was 16.

 

I had already gone through a devastating and heart-breaking situation with my

first boyfriend, and when he decided that he didn’t want to be in my life anymore,

I could hardly bear the downward emotional spiral that I sank into. As time

passed, I did come out of that, but the brokenness I felt only became greater.

 

Soon after that, my dad and his second wife divorced, and he moved in with

another woman. Now my new boyfriend and I lived together in my dad’s vacant

home. Because my dad approved, I never thought twice about the Lord’s opinion

of this. Back then, I truly didn’t see the moral dilemma here against what I now

know as I hold these matters against my Biblical worldview. It was not right, nor

was it a good situation that I was in.

 

But, in my ignorance, and in my search for peace to the hurt I had buried deep

inside, I came up with a plan that I just knew was going to heal the broken and

lonely places in my heart. That plan was to have a child with my boyfriend, but we

would get married, and we would never break like my parents had experienced.

Although my boyfriend was quite a bit older than me, he was not the brightest,

and he also was not the kindest person you’ll meet, but he agreed with me. So,

we purposed to have a child together, and we planned to be married before the

child was born.

 

 

 

Still at age 16, while living alone most of the time, except for when my boyfriend

wanted to be there, I gave birth to our son. Some of you may know Joseph. By

most, he goes by “Joe,” but to me, he’s my Joseph.

 

Although I probably would have, Joseph’s birth father never married me, and that

would turn out to be one of the best things I never did. Yet, in my ignorance to

what was right and wrong there was something innate within me that knew

having a child out of wedlock was not God’s way. The shame I knew I’d feel if my

plan didn’t work out was now a reality. I felt spoiled before the Lord, it seemed

too shameful to recover from.

 

This would be a good moment to pause the story to add that although I wasn’t in

a church yet, although I wasn’t reading my Bible, I still had this overwhelming

sense that the salvation that happened those years back was still very real. I knew

my Savior was real, and I thought of God a lot, and I prayed a lot.

 

Getting back to the story, I felt like a disgrace before God and the enemy was

piling up the lies. I falsely believed that God was only keeping me because He had

to keep up His end of the bargain when I accepted His Son as my Savior. The lie

continued as I was convinced that I had broken God’s heart so much that He

couldn’t, even if He wanted to, have anything else to do with me until I reached

Heaven where my failures and shame would no longer be.

 

I would go on to be a temporary single mother, and who do you think would help

me? Yes, my mom helped me. All those years I spent arguing with her, she still helped me.

I went on loving Joseph making sure to give him all the hugs and kisses, and everything he needed, all

the while praying all of the prayers a mother utters for her children. I loved, and love him so much.

 

 

Jumping to when I was 18 years old, by God’s goodness, I met a most wonderful

man, and at 19 I married that wonderful man, my husband Vernon. In fact,

tomorrow is our 24 th wedding anniversary. He took Joseph into his care when he

was 2 years old, and he also adopted him. The two of them immediately formed

an undeniable bond as father and son, just as if they shared the same DNA. My

husband and I would be blessed to have a beautiful precious daughter. And some

of you know her too, she’s here this morning as well, my sweet Gabby, whom I

love so very much, and I am so thankful for her and the blessing that she is.

I love her so very much too.

 

Now, at this point in my life, I did have happiness, but I still carried a hidden

sadness that never left. The inner turmoil in my spirit was just so restless, but I

had never stopped praying. The Lord was working in all His right ways and in all

His right timings! Through a series of different events, and as desperate as I was

for Him, He was leading me back into the church!

 

At age 24, and as a family of 4 back then, we got plugged in at church. The pastor

cared for us and I was discovering that My Savior was far more than just the One

who was rescuing me from a place called hell. I was beginning to realize that Jesus

is my “Here and now and into all eternity Lord and Savior” who longs to be in

closeness with me no matter what I had ever done or failed at. I’m sure I cried for

the first 6 months at church as the lies were shedding one by one.

 

We love being in church! But, I will tell you that now that I am married, and that

my husband adopted Joseph, there was no immediate indicator that I had a child

out of wedlock unless someone started to put our timeline and ages together.

There was a new lie I’d later believe: perhaps people in the church wouldn’t really

want anything to do with me if they knew all my past sins- they’re just too

shameful. And, in all places, where does the Lord still have me sharing my story.

In the church. When Kathy asked if I would share something this morning I said,

“Sure.” I just knew that I would talk about how the Lord led us into adopting the

boys, but nope. The Lord pressed it into my heart that this was the story that He’d

want me to share instead.

 

And, please, if I may let me say, not for one moment do I ever regret wanting or

having my son even though I was only 16 at the time. I now know 100% that I would not

have even conceived my son had not the Lord first permitted his life to exist. To be a

mom to Joseph, in many ways back then, turned out to be a saving gift, and one of my

greatest joys. I wholly loved and adored my child- still do, I was most blessed to be his

mother- still am, but I struggled in knowing that the circumstances in which my baby was

conceived was not pleasing to the Lord.

 

I only have a little more to share as the story is coming close to the end here.

 

Now our pastor at that time knew about my teenage pregnancy, and he asked me

if I would share some of my story with the teenagers in our church during a “True

Love Waits” event. This is an event that focuses on God’s plan for sexual purity

and saving yourself for the marriage bed. Knowing I could help spare another

from the hurts I knew, I agreed. Little did I know that through this, the Lord was

about to end my secret shame.

 

To help me prepare, I got a book called And the Bride Wore White by Dannah

Gresh. She went through all reasons why the Lord calls us to sexual purity. What I

didn’t know was that the book was going to lead into a chapter for those who

have been sexually active before marriage. The author goes on to write that if this

is you, then you must know how Jesus still wants a relationship with you. She

goes into the grace of God and how Jesus came into the world not to condemn us.

She wrote about how real it is to Jesus when we admit our sin to Him and seek

Him to fill those broken areas of our heart. She went on to express that we are

made new in Christ. The author, as she quoted Scripture, stated that Christ

restores our purity like as if it had never seen a moment’s notice of sin.

 

On the “Your God Story” sheet that Kathy has given to us, it ends with the

question, “Did God point you to a particular Bible verse during this time?” Well, as

I was reading through that chapter of the book, I was led to the verse that God

would use to set me free. It was Isaiah 1:18 in the New Revised Standard Version.

After reading that verse, I literally had to stop and take a moment. Remember,

when I said that I wouldn’t mind to argue a point when I felt I was in the right?

Well, unbeknownst to me, I had been arguing with the King of Kings.

 

Can you believe that the word “argue” is in that verse?

 

Here’s the verse in the New Revised Standard Version

Isaiah 1:18

 

Come now, let us argue it out,

    says the LORD:

though your sins are like scarlet,

    they shall be like snow;

though they are red like crimson,

    they shall become like wool.

 

I knew in that moment God was saying to me, “We will settle this once and for all.

Even if I must come and argue with you, I will, because from this day forward you

will no longer carry the shame from your past sins including having a child out of

wedlock. Instead, you will know that I will win this argument, I will always win.

You are my child, and through your Savior, My Son, you are made clean, and

nothing you can feel towards yourself or towards me can change the fact that

though your sins are like scarlet and like crimson, they shall be like snow and

wool.”

 

Just as I encountered the realness and joy of Jesus on the day of my salvation at

camp so long ago, the Lord used Isaiah 1:18 to take me deeper into the realness

and joy of His Sovereign Grace.

 

This end’s my testimony, but in honor of my dad’s memory I want to say that he

would go on to find Jesus as his Savior. Before he passed in 2018 I would have

many fond memories of him. At his memorial service I was able to speak and

share many blessings. I know that my dad deeply loves me, and I love him

deeply. Many times, throughout my teenage and adult years, my dad dropped

everything to be a comfort by my side with his tender heart towards me.

 

Additional Scripture

Jesus has said in John 6:39

“And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that

I should raise them up at the last day.”

 

Jesus tells the parable of the Lost Sheep Luke 15:4

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the

ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?